SELF-DISTRACTION

Lyrics

INTRO — COLD PIANO, TICKING CLOCK
Yeah…
I keep looking for peace in the places that take it.
MARAKANSKY.
Same mind. Same war.
Different night.

VERSE 1
I read between the lines till the page turns black,
Hear one change in your voice, then I build ten facts.
One unanswered message, now the whole room spins,
I make a courtroom in my head and put my heart on trial again.
I know the warning signs, I can name every flame,
Still I walk toward the fire, then get mad at the pain.
I call it love, call it hope, call it “just one more try,”
But sometimes I'm just scared of the silence inside.
I turn a little distance to a story of loss,
Pay tomorrow's peace for a feeling it costs.
I dissect every moment till the moment is dead,
Then wonder why there's no rest in the bed of my head.
I want truth, but I chase every possible clue;
I want closeness, then panic at what closeness can do.
Nobody tied my hands, nobody forced me to stay—
I'm the one who keeps handing my peace away.

HOOK
Self-distraction—I'm the blade and the wound,
Building walls in my chest, then I blame the whole room.
I turn love into fear, turn a thought to a threat,
Fight a war with a future that ain't happened yet.
Self-distraction—can't outrun my own brain,
I keep touching the fire, then complain about pain.
If I lose myself trying not to lose you,
Tell me, what kind of love am I putting us through?

VERSE 2
I replay your words like a tape in a cell,
Change the tone, change the ending, make a heaven a hell.
One doubt grows teeth, now it's biting my sleep,
I dig so deep for an answer that the truth can't breathe.
I can be calm in a storm when the whole world cracks,
But one heart matters and I don't know how to act.
I give too much meaning to the things left unsaid,
Then live with a thousand conversations in my head.
I say I'm protecting you, maybe that's partly true,
Maybe I'm scared of the damage my feelings can do.
So I pull back to save you, then ache when you're gone,
Call it sacrifice—still the same hurt goes on.
I don't want to make my storm somebody else's sky,
But I can't heal a wound by teaching love goodbye.
And the hardest confession that I have to face:
Sometimes I call it devotion when I'm running from my own space.

HOOK
Self-distraction—I'm the blade and the wound,
Building walls in my chest, then I blame the whole room.
I turn love into fear, turn a thought to a threat,
Fight a war with a future that ain't happened yet.
Self-distraction—can't outrun my own brain,
I keep touching the fire, then complain about pain.
If I lose myself trying not to lose you,
Tell me, what kind of love am I putting us through?

BRIDGE — STRIPPED CELLO, LOW VOICE
Maybe not every silence is a door being closed.
Maybe not every fear is a fact that I know.
Maybe love isn't proof that I have to bleed.
Maybe I can feel it… without letting it lead.
I don't need to kill my heart to take back control.
I need to stop making fear the narrator of my soul.

VERSE 3 — DRUMS RETURN, STRINGS RISING
So tonight I won't chase every shadow I see,
Won't demand from tomorrow what it owes to me.
I'll let a question breathe without forcing a reply,
Let a feeling pass through without calling it a sign.
I can love you and still keep my feet on the ground,
Can be honest with my hurt without spreading it around.
This ain't a victory lap, I ain't suddenly free,
It's one hard little choice not to turn on me.
No villain in the mirror, just a man who's afraid,
Who confused being wounded with the price love gets paid.
If I want something real, I must show up awake—
Not destroy what I cherish from the fear it might break.

FINAL HOOK — FULL SYMPHONY
Self-distraction—I'm done feeding the flame,
I won't call every fear by the beautiful name.
I won't turn love to a trial, won't make doubt the truth,
Won't burn down the bridge just to prove it can move.
Self-distraction—you don't get the last word,
I can feel every feeling without serving its curse.
If I love, let it be without losing what's true—
I can stand beside my heart… without falling through.

OUTRO — BEAT CUTS, TICKING CLOCK STOPS
Same mind.
New choice.
MARAKANSKY.
The war gets quieter when I stop obeying it.