I need help
Lyrics
[Verse 1]
Life loves to test me, anxiety and PTSD, there's no resting,
OCD and constant questioning.
Thought of pain running through my brain.
I don't feel plain and it's driving me insane.
Relationships suffer and they're going down the drain.
It seems my mental weight couldn't be lifted by a crane.
Thoughts faster than a train. Only peace left to gain.
When Medicaid don't pay, my mental life becomes a game.
Oh, a new therapist: "Hey, what's your name?"
Again with the trauma that I have to explain.
Have to relive it again, and it's always the same.
As they stare off at the wall, at their diplomas in frames.
Swear to God, I just need something to fucking change.
No more fuckin zombie pills that make me feel deranged.
[Chorus]
I know I need help, but I really don't want it,
This personal shit has me running through a gauntlet.
I'm poor and need help before a blade hits my wrist,
but their help is every 3 months a new therapist.
[Verse 2]
Shit's crazy. I get more peace of mind looking at my babies.
I think about their future, and let my past become hazy.
I keep their notes in my wallet, inspiration you can call it.
I read 'em and cry, when I'm really sick of all of it.
I'm searching for help, and I just want to holler.
But you can't buy mental help with a handshake and a dollar.
Does it take a Harvard scholar to see the system is fucked?
Forget helping the people, they're just there to make a buck.
Then I get a newbie, 'cause I'm poor and they need practice.
While I just need help putting me back on my axis.
Nobody gives a fuck and nobody truly cares.
Let my insurance cut me off and nobody will be there.
Somebody please explain why the fuck this makes sense.
Can't keep thoughts out, if there's a link missing in the fence.
Hence, this is why the fuck we go on the defense.
'Cause our true feelings are tense, deep, dark and dense.
[Chorus]
I know I need help, but I really don't want it,
This personal shit has me running through a gauntlet.
I'm poor and need help before a blade hits my wrist,
but their help is every 3 months a new therapist.
[Bridge]
I control my own thoughts, they do not control me.
The system keeps you down, they love to be controlling.
I'm nobody's fucking puppet, and I know that I matter.
My mental life's been broken, stepped on and shattered.
But I pick the pieces up 'cause I love to do puzzles.
I know I need help but I accept my own struggles.
Like the puzzle, each piece brings me closer to peace.
Whatever helps keep me up off of these streets.
And forget the past, live life for today,
'cause today could be the last in many different ways.
I was searching for a cure through a broken system.
Instead, I became a whole new type of victim.
I only wanted help but this is why I don't want it.
Your credentials, you can flaunt it, but my demons got me haunted.
So I gotta exercise my brain.
Not lyrically, but spiritually, these demons are driving me insane.
[Chorus]
I know I need help, but I really don't want it,
This personal shit has me running through a gauntlet.
I'm poor and need help before a blade hits my wrist,
but their help is every 3 months a new therapist.
[Final Hook]
I used to want help, but now I don't need it.
I let anxiety die, because I didn't feed it.
A reminder that I'm fine, I got the scars on my wrist.
Now I celebrate every 3 months, fuck your therapist.
(Yeah, fuck your therapist)
[Spoken Word Outro]
For anyone who has been neglected by the broken healthcare system and the rotating door of therapists, just know I'm with you. You do not need to stand alone. There is a light at the end of the tunnel; if you stay strong you can make it there, I promise.
Because I made it there.
(Yeah, fuck your therapist)
[End]