Still Up (2)

Lyrics

[Intro: vinyl crackle, a tap dripping slightly out of time, detuned Rhodes, slow dragging drums]

[Verse 1: tired, breathy, half-spoken, close to the mic]
Twenty past three and the tap's gone wrong.
It used to keep time. Now it's just a little bit off.
I've been counting the gaps — they're never the same gap twice.
I'll fix it at the weekend. I'll fix it. It's fine.

I got in beside him, shut my eyes, lay still —
I lie there with my eyes shut so he thinks I'm sleeping,
And I listen to the fridge, and the wires, and the clock next door through the wall.
I can hear the wires. Did you know you can hear the wires?

[Pre-Chorus: whispered asides in parentheses]
Danny says, "You haven't slept."
I say, "I slept."
(I didn't sleep.)
Danny says, "It's been four days."
I say, "It's been one."
(It's been one long one.)

[Chorus: half-spoken inventory over the beat, then sung tail]
Tap — still dripping. Crack — still there. Longer.
Stripes — on the wall now. They were on the floor.
Clock — four forty-four. Radio — on low.
Danny — breathing. Me —
Still awake. (still awake)
Still awake. (still awake)
Still awake.

[Verse 2: a little faster, muttering, defensive]
I keep the radio low so the quiet can't get in,
And the man at four a.m. said "you" like he meant it.
Not "you" like everyone — "you" like me.
I know. I know. He says "you" to everyone. I know that.

Danny found the notebooks. I said, "They're lists." They are lists.
Eleven of them. He said, "Eleven?" I said, "They're small."
He read a page and went quiet and put it down so carefully,
Like it was hot. Like it was something that could spill.

Pre-Chorus
Danny says, "Maybe talk to someone."
I say, "I'm talking to you."
He says, "Someone else."
(There isn't anyone else.)
And the bus was forty-four again.
(It's the route. It's just the route.)

Chorus
Tap — still dripping. Crack — still there. Longer.
Stripes — on the wall now. They were on the floor.
Clock — four forty-four. Radio — he said "you."
Danny — breathing. Me —
Still awake. (still awake)
Still awake. (still awake)
Still awake.

[Bridge: beat drops out, just Rhodes and voice, tender and frightened]
Danny, don't wake up. You're not missing anything.
The sky's not doing anything. It's just dark.
You used to say I never noticed.
Now I can't stop.
I can't stop. I can't stop. I can't—
I keep thinking it's Tuesday.
I know it's not Tuesday.
It's just that Tuesday hasn't finished yet.

[Final Chorus: heavier, drums drag harder, voice thinner]
Tap — still dripping. Crack — it's reaching the wall.
Stripes — on the ceiling. They were on the wall.
Clock — four forty-four. Radio — he said my name.
Danny — breathing?
(a pause)
Breathing.
Me —
Still awake. (still awake)
Still awake. (still awake)
Still awake.

[Outro: beat gone, slowed-down warped birdsong, faint grey light]
The sun's coming up. The stripes are back on the floor.
Where they should be. See? See? Everything's fine.
(whispered, counting)
One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight.
Nine.
(long pause)
There were eight.
(flat, barely there)
Good morning, everything.

End