dawn is loos3

Lyrics

​Voiceover:
Attention all municipal sectors! This is an emergency broadcast! Code Grey! Code Grey! Containment has failed! The asset has bypassed the perimeter! Repeat, the pocket-sized terror known as Dawn is loose in the grid! Check your locks, hide your husbands, and secure your shins! This is not a drill!
​Verse 1: The Breach of Sector 4
​Lock up the deadbolts, pull the heavy shutters down,
There’s a category five disaster tearing through the town.
We thought we knew what chaos was, we thought that we were brave,
But now we’re looking down the barrel of a human tidal wave.
They should’ve sent her straight to Western State and welded up the door,
But now she’s roaming freely right outside the grocery store.
What in the literal hell is going on tonight?
The entire police department is paralyzed with fright!
​Sixteen security guards? Oh, please, you must be joking,
They’re hiding under tables while the breakroom stove is smoking.
Sixteen is light work, sixteen is just a snack,
Against a micro-typhoon that is always on attack!
Send more people! Send the fleet! Call in the coast guard too!
She’s bypassing the roadblocks in a single tennis shoe.
We need an entire army, yeah, we need the whole marine,
To stop the most aggressive gremlin that the world has ever seen.
​She’s four foot nothing—a microscopic fright,
Packed with so much venom that she’ll blind you with her bite.
Just full of spit and absolute, unbridled retardation,
A walking, talking, screaming stain upon the local nation.
Call the governors! Call the networks! Call the local news!
She’s stomping down the pavement in her platform shoes.
Is there any savior? Can we get some kind of hope?
Maybe a special dispensation or a blessing from the Pope?
The Vatican just looked at the live stream and said, "Nope,
There’s no holy water strong enough, the girl is just on dope."
​Chorus: The Micro-Disaster
​Code Grey! Code Grey! Dawn’s crazy ass is on the loose!
Running down the sidewalk on a jug of chemical juice!
Code Grey! Code Grey! Call the federal reserve,
She’s jumping off the overpass and hitting every curve!
You better run, you better hide, you better say a prayer,
The Tasmanian Devil of the county’s in the air!
​Verse 2: The Resume of a Legend
​Let’s evaluate the threat, let’s look at the statistics,
Let’s study her unique approach to hand-to-hand ballistics.
Oh, you think you’re tough, Dawn? You think you’re really grand?
The undisputed champion of the open-handed slam!
She’s got a rap sheet longer than a CVS receipt,
The most aggressive pocket-sized terror on the street.
Famous across three counties for her signature attack:
Walking up to six-foot men and pimp-slapping them back!
She’ll hit a grown man in the jaw before he even knows,
That there’s a miniature psycho standing on his toes.
​And let’s talk about her parenting—the mother of the year!
A true inspiration based on discipline and fear.
Dragging her own children by their limbs at three AM,
Out of bed and down the hall, she doesn't care for them!
Yanking them by ankles like a set of old luggage,
While the neighbors watch in horror from the safety of the hedges.
What has become a problem that is threatening the coast,
Started out so simple as a standard overdose!
The chemicals mutated, they unlocked the secret cheat,
And now she’s doing parkour down a residential street!
​Chorus: The Micro-Disaster
​Code Grey! Code Grey! Dawn’s crazy ass is on the loose!
Running down the sidewalk on a jug of chemical juice!
Code Grey! Code Grey! Call the federal reserve,
She’s jumping off the overpass and hitting every curve!
You better run, you better hide, you better say a prayer,
The Tasmanian Devil of the county’s in the air!
​Verse 3: The National Emergency
​We need the President immediately! Get him on the line!
Tell him to abort his meetings, yeah, he’s running out of time!
This isn't just a local spat, it’s a homeland security threat,
The weirdest damn anomaly the military’s met!
Authorize the fighter jets! Deploy the laser drones!
She’s currently vibrating and throwing heavy stones!
The FEMA trucks are rolling in with oversized nets,
While Dawn is on the sidewalk making terrifying threats.
She’s completely untamed, she’s a menace to the state,
An absolute miracle of concentrated hate.
​What a beautiful disaster, what a glorious display,
As sixteen broken security guards throw their badges away.
They’re signing up for therapy, they’re moving out of state,
Crying over the day they had to challenge Dawn the Great.
She’s a one-woman circus, a localized disease,
Bringing the entire municipality to its knees.
She’s currently sprint-waddling at thirty miles an hour,
Absorbing all the electricity from the local power tower!
​Verse 4: The Final Reckoning
​Look out, she’s in the driveway! She’s climbing up the porch!
Somebody grab a fire extinguisher or a burning torch!
She’s screaming at a fire hydrant, thinking it’s a cop,
There is absolutely nothing that can make this bitch stop.