my losses.

Lyrics

(Verse 1)
The silence in this house is a heavy weight
It’s 3:00 AM and I’m staring at the gate
Of every memory, every ghost of a smile
I haven’t felt a breath of peace in a long, long while.
It started with a tremor, then the walls fell in
Now I’m looking at the wreckage of where I’ve been.
One by one, the lights go out in the hall
I’m reaching for a hand, but I only hit the wall.
Why does the ground always have to give way?
Why does the night always swallow the day?
I’m building on sand while the tide’s coming fast
Nothing I love ever seems to last.
​(Chorus)
Lord, why me? What did I ever do?
To watch the sky turn black and the blood turn blue?
You took them all, every single soul I need
Now I’m left in the garden to pull every weed.
It keeps imploding, collapsing from the core
I can’t find the rhythm, I can’t find the door.
I’m standing in the ashes, all alone in the rain
Just a hollow vessel for this motherfucking pain.
​(Verse 2)
They say that time heals, but time is a thief
It doesn’t bring comfort, it just deepens the grief.
I look at the photos, I touch the empty chairs
I’m screaming at the ceiling, but nobody’s up there.
Every person who knew the map of my heart
Has been ripped from the frame, torn right apart.
I needed them. I didn’t just want them around
They were the anchors that kept me on the ground.
Now I’m drifting, no compass, no star
Just wondering why the exit is always so far.
Is this a test? Is this some kind of game?
’Cause I’m losing my mind just shouting Your name.
​(Verse 3)
There’s a heat in my chest I’ve never known before
It’s not just a spark, it’s a full-blown war.
An internal fire, a white-hot coal
Burning through the fabric of my very soul.
It’s the anger of the lonely, the rage of the left
In this valley of shadows, in this house of theft.
I’ve never felt a burn this deep or this bright
It’s the only thing keeping me warm in the night.
But it’s consuming the oxygen, it’s choking my breath
It’s the taste of the living who are haunted by death.
Why leave me here to smoke and to sear?
While everyone I love is no longer here?
​(Chorus)
Lord, why me? What did I ever do?
To watch the sky turn black and the blood turn blue?
You took them all, every single soul I need
Now I’m left in the garden to pull every weed.
It keeps imploding, collapsing from the core
I can’t find the rhythm, I can’t find the door.
I’m standing in the ashes, all alone in the rain
Just a hollow vessel for this motherfucking pain.
​(Bridge)
What was the sin? What was the crime?
To lose it all in such a short amount of time?
You left me the fire but you took the light
You left me the struggle but you took the fight.
I’m standing in the center of a hollowed-out life
Where the air is a razor and the wind is a knife.
I don’t want to be strong, I don’t want to be brave
I just want them back from the edge of the grave.
Every single one. Not most, but all.
I’m tired of watching the empires fall.
​(Guitar Solo / Instrumental Break - Slow, distorted, and heavy)
​(Verse 4)
I’ve searched through the pages, I’ve looked at the sky
But the stars don't offer a reason why.
The implosion is constant, a recurring theme
A nightmare that wakes me from every good dream.
How much can one heart actually take?
Before the valves shatter and the chambers break?
I’m screaming at the void till my throat is raw
Broken by the weight of some celestial law.
You took the laughter, you took the advice
You took the warmth and you left me the ice.
Except for this fire, this furnace inside
The only place left for a broken man to hide.
​(Verse 5)
I see their faces when I close my eyes
I hear their voices in the wind's low sighs.
I’m begging for a reason, a sign, or a word
But the more I shout, the less I am heard.
Was I too proud? Was I too blind?
To the fact that I’d be the one left behind?
It’s a cruel kind of mercy to leave me the breath
When all I can see is the footprint of death.
I’m standing here shaking, clutching my chest
While the fire inside me puts the world to the test.
It’s a brand new heat, a terrifying glow
And it’s the only thing I have left to show.
​(Chorus)
Lord, why me? What did I ever do?
To watch the sky turn black and the blood turn blue?
You took them all, every single soul I need
Now I’m left in the garden to pull every weed.
It keeps imploding, collapsing from the core
I can’t find the rhythm, I can’t find the door.
I’m standing in the ashes, all alone in the rain
Just a hollow vessel for this motherfucking pain.
​(Outro)
Every single one of them... gone.
Left me here to face the dawn.
Why me?
Why this fire?
I’m so tired of the ruins.
I’m so tired of the smoke.
I'm just a man... who finally broke.
(Fade out with the sound of a crackling fire and a distant, lonely wind)