A grand Ankh-Morpork scheme!

Lyrics

( Male Voice, Tenor, Moist von Lipwig)
I was a man with a golden suit and a very different name
A rope around my neck until Vetinari joined the game
I was dodging all the postmen in a building full of mail
Until I saw you smoking by the door, as sharp as any nail!
I’ve got the gift of gab, my love, I can sell a soul a stone
But I’d rather face a banshee than be standing all alone.
​(Female, Contralto, Adorabelle Dearheart)
You were a shimmering distraction, a conman in a hat
I had a golem Trust to run, I had no time for chat
But you fixed the Post, you madman, and you didn't even blink
Though your promises are usually as permanent as ink.
(Female, Contralto, Adorabelle Dearheart)
I’ve got a heavy handbag and a cigarette in hand
And you’re the only swindler I can stomach in this land!
​(Chorus - Both Voices Harmony)
From the letters in the cellar to the gold inside the Vault
If the city’s gone to pieces, well, it’s probably our fault!
From the clacks towers humming to the iron on the rail
Our love is like a runaway, it’s never gonna fail.
Through the mud and through the magic, through the fire and the steam
We’re the most unlikely partners in a grand Ankh-Morpork scheme!
​(Male Voice, Tenor, Moist von Lipwig)
Remember when the Glooper nearly drowned us in the mint?
I was making paper money just to give the world a hint
I was "Moist the Banker" then, dear, keeping icons in a row
While you were fighting for the golems, giving 'em a place to go.
​(Female, Contralto, Adorabelle Dearheart)
You almost got us killed for coins, you flamboyant little pest
But I suppose of all the liars, you’re the one I like the best.
Then came the Iron Girder, huffing smoke and spitting coal
A giant metal monster that somehow captured your soul!
​(Male Voice, Tenor, Moist von Lipwig)
I saw the tracks, I saw the future, I saw the rising steam!
​(Female, Contralto, Adorabelle Dearheart)
And I saw you nearly falling off the bridge into the stream!
​(Chorus - Both Voices Harmony)
From the letters in the cellar to the gold inside the Vault
If the city’s gone to pieces, well, it’s probably our fault!
From the clacks towers humming to the iron on the rail
Our love is like a runaway, it’s never gonna fail.
Through the mud and through the magic, through the fire and the steam
We’re the most unlikely partners in a grand Ankh-Morpork scheme!
​(Bridge)
(Male Voice, Tenor, Moist von Lipwig)
The world is getting smaller, Belle, the trains are running fast.
(Female, Contralto, Adorabelle Dearheart)
And somehow, Mr. Lipwig, you’ve made the feeling last.
(Male Voice, Tenor, Moist von Lipwig)
I’m a fraud, I’m a rogue...
(Female, Contralto, Adorabelle Dearheart)
...but you’re my rogue, it’s true.
(Both)
And there’s no one on the Disc I’d rather ride the rails with than you!
​(Outro)
(Male Voice, Tenor, Moist von Lipwig)
Going Postal!
(Female, Contralto, Adorabelle Dearheart)
Making Money!
(Male Voice, Tenor, Moist von Lipwig)
Rising Steam!
(Both)
It’s a Morpork love story... if you know what I mean!
(Final upbeat strum)