mr. bitch

Lyrics

(Intro)
Yeah, turn the headphones down. Way down.
If the baseline hits too hard, his nervous system might collapse and he'll sue the studio for sound-wave assault.
Let's really dig into this pathetic specimen.
A biological anomaly of pure, unadulterated cowardice.
We're going deep into the lore of a total fucking clown.
Check it.
​(Verse 1)
Let’s paint a portrait of a true modern disaster
A fragile little gay man who made complaining his master.
He doesn’t walk the pavement, he just hovers and shakes.
With a spineless disposition that gives everyone aches.
He walks around acting like he’s running the town
But a mild puff of wind could knock this motherfucker down.
He throws a temper tantrum when the thermostat drops
He gets emotional trauma from the noise of the mops
He wears noise-canceling headphones inside of his house
Because he’s terrified of waking up a sleeping field mouse, is this man in a blouse? Fuck a mouse.
Now don’t get defensive, don’t think it’s a game
It’s not a dirty insult, it is literally his name.
​(Chorus)
Oh, they call him Bitch, cuz he’s a bitch, and that’s just his name
Yeah, they call him Bitch, it’s a genetic reality, nobody’s to blame.
He’s a five-star general in the army of queers. A grown-ass man living out a toddler's fears. Yeah, Bitch is his name, and being soft is his game.
​(Verse 2)
Let’s examine his resume, his professional path. He got fired from a bakery for burning his thumb. Then tried to claim insurance for becoming permanently dumb.
He went to a yoga class to find his inner peace. Even joined ballet classes with his sisters. But called the fucking cops on the instructor's niece
Because she breathed too loud during a meditation pose.
He’s the only motherfucker who gets triggered by a rose.
He wears tactical gear but he’s afraid of the dark. He gets a panic attack walking through a public park. He leaves a one-star review on a hospital bed. Because the pillow wasn’t perfectly contoured to his head.
​(Chorus)
Yeah, they call him Bitch, cuz he’s a bitch, and that’s just his name bitch,
Yeah, they call him Bitch, it’s a genetic reality, nobody’s to blame this bitch.
He’s a five-star general in the army of queers. A grown-ass man living out a toddler's fears.
Yeah, Bitch is his name, and being soft is his game.
​(Verse 3)
He bought a giant lawnmower to look like a man.
But he’s terrified of blades so he uses a fan
He sits on his porch just squinting at the sun
And if a toddler plays with bubbles, you know he’s gonna run.
He went on a date with a girl from his gym
Spent three straight hours talking about his phantom limb.
He made her drive him home cuz he was scared of the highway.
Then bitched that her steering wheel was looking a bit sideways.
He calls himself an influencer, a pioneer, a boss. But, his last name isn't moss.
But a single drop of rain. leaves him completely at a loss.
He’s a walking panic button, a fragile piece of glass.
A monumental, multi-layered, total pain in the ass.
​(Bridge)
Now, Bitch took a trip down to city hall
To change the legal name that made his ego feel small.
He stood before the clerk and started to weep
Saying, "This name is a burden that I cannot keep!"
The clerk took his ID, gave a miserable sigh
Looked him dead in the eyes and said, "I'm not gonna lie.
You complain about the lighting, you complain about the queue,
The name fits perfectly with everything you do. And you know exactly who I am. And you know who you are Bitch.
You’re a certified coward, it’s written in your soul,
Your name is Mr. Bitch and you will never be whole."
​(Obnoxious, whiny energy)
​(Verse 4)
So here’s a final toast to the king of the weak
A man who gets exhausted just trying to speak.
A human wet noodle in a minor draft zone
Who spends his entire budget on temu clothes.
He’s a lyrical catastrophe, a structural void
A walking definition of completely paranoid.
If you see him on the street, don’t offer a hand
He’ll sue you for touching him without a reprimand.
He thinks his life story is a cinematic thrill
But he’s just a blank space on a medical bill.
​(Chorus)
Oh, they call him Bitch, cuz he’s a bitch, and that’s just his name
Yeah, they call him Bitch, it’s a genetic reality, nobody’s to blame
He’s a five-star general in the army of queers. A grown-ass man living with toddler's tears.
Yeah, Bitch is his name, and being soft is his game.
​(Outro)
Yeah, B-I-T-C-H. That's on his birth certificate.
His middle name is probably "Please Don't Hurt Me."
Don't make eye contact, he'll file a restraining order.
What an absolute waste of oxygen.
Get the fuck out of the studio, Bitch. You know who you are, Bitch. Bitch.