No Mother Model

Lyrics

Intro
(Heavy Hemi-Sync Wake-Up)
(Continuous 7.83Hz Schumann)
(Tempo: Dragging 65 BPM / Rainy city ambience / Vinyl crackle)
A shattering shadow
walk through the halls,
Where I once stood,
with no memories to recall,
Of my nightmare childhood.
Adults looked away,
Pushing me to a shell.
I wear my mask,
Just a little too well.
Where alternate realities,
Clouded my sight.
Visions raised curiosities,
Deep in the night.

Verse 1
[Vocal Style: Haunted close-mic whisper with eerie smoky rasp]
Escaping to her safe place,
When trauma hit hard.
A still-frame vision,
Standing as her guard.
An astral traveling child,
With fever dreams.
Finding missing pieces,
Of melancholic memories.
A wiped clean crime scene,
Left in the dark.
She never felt connected,
Or left her mark.
Learning to play alone.
Looking for treasures,
Buried stones in the sand.
Time completely lost,
In a forgotten land.
Holding pretty rocks,
In her trembling hands.

While other girls had barbies,
or gossiped about shit.
stuffed their tiny Bras,
Painted their fake
double faces.
She dug in the dirt,
Bullies laughed at her everyday
writing poems through the hurt
Just wanting to be seen
Kids were always so mean
she joined the wrestling team.

Verse 2
[Vocal Style: Melancholic low singing with deep heartbreak and isolation]
(Dynamic Shift: Muffled underwater kick drops / Brooding sub-bass hum)
Grew up too fast,
Lost her traveler's map.
Her sense of self faded,
In a cosmic trap.
Mentally scraping by,
With voice suppressed.
Real-life nightmares,
As a survival test.
Sifting through waves,
Of parental neglect.
No one saw her spiraling,
Or gave her respect.

Adults ignored the abuse,
Hiding the truth.
The step-daddy monster,
Even behind bars-
Paralyzed her spirit,
Leaving deep-set scars.
Lying awake in the night,
Wondering why she survived.
Carrying all the guilt,
When she was only five.
now Broken and dismissed,
Constantly Criticized
Forced hugs, and empty love
have made it hard to thrive.

Without a Mother Model,
To learn from or know.
She saw her own shadow,
Start to show.
In her Baby Girl's Eyes,
Big and blue,
a Sassy Little Girl.
She'd always hold on to.
Stripped away
by cruel design,
Before she even knew about
the distortion and the spite,
Turned her daughter wild.
They brainwashed the mind,
Of her first child.

She then married
a party-boy,
Who would gaslight
and cheat.
Pinning the blame,
On her heart's broken beat

Years later,
A spark was seeded.
A Perfect Little Boy
when she most needed.
He became her world.
Her husband's darkeness
Pushed her to break.
Had to walk out the door
Before he could attack
Ran to the car
and never looked back.

Pre-Chorus
[Vocal Style:Ghostly melodic breathy rasp with deep vocal layering]
(Dynamic Shift:Heavy neon Alchem-Wave swells rise/Snaps tighten)
The weight was heavy,
An endless hell.
A ghost in her own family
and in her marriage as well.
She looked in the mirror,
At an empty shell.
Made a choice in that moment,
To walk far away.
Even if death,
Was the price to pay.
She wiped her
crystalline tears,
and finally walked away

Chorus
[Dynamic Shift: Explosive dreamwave drop / Defiant cyber-synth chords]
I am a flaming force
To be reckoned with.
Not a Wreck anymore because
I ground my own feet
Protecting my son,
From all the lies and deceit.
Breaking right out,
Of the barbed-wire cage.
Turning the leaf,
On an unrepressed torn page.
Awakening myself,
Through all this Bottled Up Rage!

Verse 3
[Vocal Style: Defiant flow fading back to a lonely, cold texture]
(Dynamic Shift: Beat breaks away / Pure 963Hz atmospheric pad background)
Endless assaults,
And games of control.
Nothing could fix,
The void in her soul.
Until her true father's hug,
Broke the spell.
Lifting her spirit,
From the deepest well.

Bridge
[Vocal Style: Encompassing liquid pad delivery with isolated emotion]
Brainwaves dancing,
Trying to find perfect peace.
The generational loop
Finds its far
too late release.
The girl who hid in
Her still-frame visions
Does everything she can
To be the same mama
she never had
and one her Little Boy needs.
Even if ripped apart,
At every seam.

Outro
[Vocal Style: Sleepy breathy close-mic with soft sad trailing echo]
(Dynamic Shift: Haunting pitch-bent guitar solo pans 360° ear-to-ear)
Opposite of darkness,
Opposite of hate.
Cold treatment,
made it hard
To love again.
But she found herself,
Uncovered the lies.
Stopped asking the-
Who, What, When,
Where and Whys.
Repaired by a new love,
So patient and kind.
Traveling back home
with sudden reprise,
Through prismatic vision
and a stronger light.
Leaving air cleared,
Zero point energy to fight.
No longer stuck glitching,
In fight or flight.
Grown-ups always lied
In my childhood years.

Stepped out of my shell,
Drying all my tears.
Into the violet sky,
Where the truth aligns
Like the Lilac bush,
At my sister's headstone
That decided to grow,
And claim her buried
heart its home,so
Little Nicki
Would never feel alone.

(Muffled sub-bass hum dissolves into absolute silenc