Crybaby Caleb

Lyrics

Verse 1
Caleb stubbed his toe on carpet
Wrote a ten-page tragic post
Spilled a drip of lukewarm coffee
Planning now to haunt the host

Lost the game by three whole points
Acting like it’s world war three
“Judge was blind and fate’s against me”
Bro
You just missed one free throw (please)

Chorus
Crybaby Caleb
Tears over tiny things
Cartoon drama
Over paper cuts and bee stings
Crybaby Caleb
Built for Broadway
Not the gym
Every small inconvenience
Rolls the credits just for him (wah-wah)

Verse 2
Door won’t open on first handle
“Guess the universe hates me”
Phone at ninety percent battery
“Great
I’ll die at two fifteen”

Asked for ice
They brought him extra
Now he’s giving “sad boy” eyes
“Why is all this frozen water
Taking over half my life?”

Chorus
Crybaby Caleb
Tears over tiny things
Cartoon drama
Over paper cuts and bee stings
Crybaby Caleb
Built for Broadway
Not the gym
Every small inconvenience
Rolls the credits just for him (oh no)

Bridge
[Half-time
Mock-epic]
Someone ate his fries (his fries!)
World’s ending in his mind
Calendar said “Monday”
He needs twelve years to “heal inside”

Chorus
Crybaby Caleb
Tears over tiny things
Cartoon drama
Over paper cuts and bee stings
Crybaby Caleb
Yeah we love him
But it’s true
If life gives him one small problem
He’ll need tissues and a crew (hey!)