Empty Seat At My Own Party

Lyrics

Verse 1
You said “last minute”
Called it a “random get-together”
But you knew I’d say yes
I always say yes
I lit every candle
Scrubbed the fingerprints off the mirror
You walked in with five more
Like you’d done me a favor

Chorus
I’m the empty seat at my own party
Holding coats and holding tongues
Pouring drinks for friends of friends
Till my hands go numb
You only love me when you’re crowded
Only call when you need a place
I’m the quiet host
Who disappears
So you feel safe

Verse 2
Mom used me as a mirror
Dad used me as a wall
If I didn’t flinch
Didn’t feel
Then it wasn’t their fault
Taught myself their language
So I wouldn’t make a scene
Turned my heart into a service
Turned my “no” into “anything”

Chorus
I’m the empty seat at my own party
Holding coats and holding lies
Telling jokes that cost me sleep
Just to keep you satisfied
You only love me when you’re crowded
Only call when you need a stage
I’m the quiet host
Who pays the bill for your escape

Bridge
You never ring my door
Just your voices up the stairwell
Always “we were in the area”
Never “can I see you by myself?”
I set plates for ghosts
Name tags on every fear
If I vanished from this city
Would it even reach your ears? (would it even reach?)

Chorus
I’m the empty seat at my own party
Leaving lights on for the past
You keep dancing on my carpet
Then you leave and never ask
Do you ever see the cracks here?
Do you ever say my name?
I’m the quiet host
Locking up
Alone again

Outro
Next time you want a shelter
Find another open door
I’ll be here
Lights low
Heart still
But I’m not your house anymore