Family Reunion

Lyrics

Tempo: MID-FAST — spoken country comedy verses / big sung 90s chorus
Intro
[Easy bouncing bass, light acoustic guitar, fiddle casually noodling]
Spoken Intro
You ever notice family reunions are kinda weird?
Once a year you rent a city park...
Put three hundred people who share approximately six last names in matching colored T-shirts...
Feed 'em potato salad...
And just kinda...
See what happens.
And every family thinks their family's weird.
They're not.
They're all weird.
Just...
Different potato salad.
Band kicks in
Chorus
Every family's got one!
Every family's got ten!
Folks you haven't seen since who-knows-where
Saying, "Look how long it's been!"
Same old stories
Same old jokes
Same people running late
Different names upon the shirts...
Same family reunion every state!
Band drops back
Spoken Verse
You always got that one relative who's offended you haven't visited enough.
Doesn't matter that they haven't visited you either.
Nope.
You walk up...
"Hey, Aunt Carol! Good to see you!"
She hugs you and says...
"Well... nice of you to see ME."
...
Okay.
We're starting aggressive this year.
Fiddle sting
Spoken Verse
Then somebody's kid gets hurt.
Not hurt hurt.
Kid bumps his elbow on a picnic table.
Starts crying like we've lost the arm.
Dad looks at him...
Doesn't even get out of his lawn chair...
"It's a long way from your heart."
...
Modern medicine is incredible.
Band kicks in
Chorus
Every family's got one!
Every family's got ten!
One's been married four whole times
And he's shopping around again
One talks politics
One talks weather
One just came to fill his plate
Different names upon the shirts...
Same family reunion every state!
Band drops
Spoken Verse
And families have phrases that make absolutely no grammatical sense...
But everybody understands 'em.
Grandpa says:
"Used to could."
That's the whole sentence.
"Grandpa, can you still climb that fence?"
"Used to could."
...
Thank you.
Very informative.
Fiddle chuckle
Spoken Verse
Then you've got the little cousins in the backseat.
One finger...
Half an inch from the other's face.
"I'm not touching you."
"I'm not touching you."
"I'm not touching—"
...
There are moments when you understand why some animals eat their young.
Band kicks
Chorus
Every family's got one!
Every family's got ten!
Somebody brought a folding chair
That should've been retired in '98
Kids are fighting
Grandpa's sleeping
Uncle Dave's been at the plate since eight
Different names upon the shirts...
Same family reunion every state!
Spoken Verse
Then somebody fixes something.
Doesn't fix it right.
Just fixes it enough that everybody slowly backs away from it.
You look at Uncle Billy:
"Think that's gonna hold?"
He gives it one good slap...
"Good enough for who I am."
...
That is not the reassurance You think it is, Billy.
Spoken Verse
And there's always one relative who refuses to admit they're surprised.
You tell 'em:
"Jimmy got married."
Nothing.
"Jimmy bought a house."
Nothing.
"Jimmy joined the circus and now trains Bengal tigers."
They look at you...
"This is my shocked face."
...
Jimmy could spontaneously combust...
Same face.
Spoken Verse
Then Grandpa tries somebody's homemade pie.
Everybody gets quiet.
Because apparently...
He's the Supreme Court of pie.
Takes one bite...
Chews...
Thinks about it...
"I'll buy that for a quarter."
Grandma smiles.
Apparently...
That's five stars.
Band builds
Final Chorus
EVERY FAMILY'S GOT ONE!
And thank God that they do
'Cause all those crazy things they say
Are the things that stick with you
Same old stories
Same bad jokes
Same hugs when you arrive
Different colors on the T-shirts...
Same love underneath the stripes
Yeah, we're loud
We're strange
We're family
And we wouldn't change a thing
So grab your chair
And fix a plate...
THE REUNION'S IN FULL SWING!
Band drops
Spoken Outro
Then they announce the family picture.
...
And suddenly three hundred grown adults...
Forget how standing works.
"Tall people in back!"
"Whose kid is this?"
"Where's Uncle Billy?"
"Billy's fixing the picnic table."
...
Is it holding?
"Good enough for who he is."
...
Fair enough.
Big fiddle ending
See y'all next year.