The Love A Narcissist Lilacs

Lyrics

Intro
(Heavy Hemi-Sync Wake-Up)
(Continuous 7.83Hz Schumann)
A shattering walk
through halls,
Where I once stood,
with no memories to recall,
Of my nightmare childhood.
Adults looked away,
Pushing me to a shell.
I wear my mask,
Just a little too well.
Where alternate realities,
Clouded my sight.
Visions raised curiosities,
Deep in the night.

Verse 1
[Vocal Style:Eerie,deeply sad close-mic whisper register with a sassy,smoky rasp]
While other girls played,
With dolls in laces.
Stuffing their bras,
Or painting fake
double faces.
She dug in the dirt,
Writing pretty poems instead.
Joined the wrestling team,
she was an angry kid.
Looking for treasures,
Buried stones in the sand.
Time completely lost,
In a forgotten land.
Holding pretty rocks,
In her trembling hands.
Escaping to her safe place,
When trauma hit hard.
A still-frame vision,
Standing as her guard.
An astral traveling child,
With fever dreams.
Finding missing pieces,
Of melancholic memories.
A wiped clean crime scene,
Left in the dark.
She never felt connected,
Or left her mark.
Learning to play alone,
In a black hole trap.
Never knowing what place,
To point to
on her home map.

Verse 2
[Vocal Style:Catchy, melancholic,harmonic low-register singing blooming with heart-wrenching sadness and deep darkness]
(Dark trip-hop beat drops/ Brooding analogue sub-bass)
Grew up too fast,
Lost her traveler's map.
Her sense of self faded,
In a cosmic trap.
Mentally scraping by,
With voice suppressed.
Real-life nightmares,
As a survival test.
Sifting through waves,
Of parental neglect.
No one saw her spiraling,
Or gave her respect.

Adults ignored the abuse,
Hiding the truth.
The step-daddy monster,
Even behind bars-
Paralyzed her spirit,
Leaving deep-set scars.
Lying awake in the night,
Wondering why she survived.
Carrying all the guilt,
When she was only five.
now Broken and dismissed,
Constantly Criticized
Forced hugs, and empty love
have made it hard to thrive.

Without a mother model,
To learn from or know.
She saw her own shadow,
Start to show.
In her baby girl's eyes,
Big and blue,
a sassy little girl.
She'd always hold on to.
Stripped away by cruel design,
Before she even knew.
About the distortion
and the spite,
Turned her daughter wild.
They brainwashed the mind,
Of her first child.

She then married a party-boy,
Who would gaslight and cheat.
Pinning the blame,
On her heart's broken beat.
Seven years later,
A light was seeded.
A perfect little boy,
When she most needed.
He became her world
Then her husband's
narcissistic darkeness
pushed her too far
she took her little boy
a hurried to her car.

Pre-Chorus
[Vocal Style:Intense,serious melodic vocal lift with deep harmonies]
(Heavy neon synth swells/Drum snaps tighten)
The weight was heavy,
An endless hell.
A ghost in her own family
and in her marriage as well.
She looked in the mirror,
At an empty shell.
Made a choice in that moment,
To walk far away.
Even if death,
Was the price to pay.
She wiped her
crystalline tears,
and finally walked away

Chorus
[Dynamic Shift:Catchy,sassy dreamwave anthem explosion/ Hypnotic neon-synth chords]
I am a flaming force
To be reckoned with.
Not a Wreck anymore because
I ground my own feet
Protecting my son,
From all the lies and deceit.
Breaking right out,
Of the barbed-wire cage.
Turning the leaf,
On an unrepressed torn page.
Awakening myself,
Through all this Bottled Up Rage!

Verse 3
[Vocal Style: Sassy, defiant trip-hop flow with a raw, smoky rasp,sad dreamy texture]
(Beat breaks away / Pure 963Hz atmospheric texture)
Endless assaults,
And games of control.
Nothing could fix,
The void in her soul.
Until her true father's hug,
Broke the spell.
Lifting her spirit,
From the deepest well.

Bridge
[Vocal Style:Stripped-back liquid pads/Hypnotic tape distortion]
Brain chaotically dancing,
Trying to find perfect peace.
The generational loop,
Finds its far,
too late release.
The girl who hid,
In her still-frame visions
Does everything she can
To be the same mama
she begged for
now the one her
Baby Boy needs.
Even if she's ripped apart,
At every seam.

Outro
[Vocal Style: Sleepy, breathy close-mic whisper fading into a soft echo]
(Shimmering harp/Haunting melancholic,gut-wrenching pitch-bent guitar pans 360° ear-to-ear)
Opposite of darkness,
Opposite of pain.
Cold treatment, made it hard
To love again.
But she found herself,
Uncovered the lies.
Stopped asking the-
Who, What, When, Where
and Whys.
Repaired by a love,
So patient and kind.
Traveling back home
with sudden reprise,
Through prismatic vision
and a stronger light.

Leaving air cleared,
zero point energy to fight.
No longer stuck glitching,
In fight or flight.
Grown-ups always lied,
In my childhood years.
Stepped out of my shell,
Drying all my tears.
Into the violet sky,
Where the truth aligns.
Like the Lilac bush,
At my sister's headstone.
That decided to grow,
And claim her buried
heart it's home,
so little Nicki
would never feel alone.
(Muffled sub-bass dissolves into absolute silence)