letting go

Lyrics

[Intro - moody ambient keys, distant choir pads, raspy female vocal in a smoky whisper]
Mm, yeah
I been prayin’ in the dark, but the dark keep talkin’ back
Lost my lover, lost my blood, now my heart don’t know where it at

[Verse 1 - sparse piano, low 808 pulse, intimate and haunted female vocal]
You was my safe place, my late-night call
My best friend, my everything, my wall
Then the room went cold, and the light went thin
Like the Lord took a name and let the silence win
I still smell your cologne in the back of my mind
Still hear your laugh when the clock hands chime
And my mama’s tears, and my sister’s cry
Got me lookin’ at the sky like, “Why, oh why?”
I lost you twice in one breath, one season
One for the love, one for the blood, no reason
Now I’m holdin’ these wounds like they gonna behave
But grief got hands, and it digs my grave

[Pre-Chorus - tension rising, layered harmonies, soft trap percussion building]
I been tryin’ to stay tough, but I break in the night
Talkin’ to your ghost in the halo light
If love is a temple, mine’s a burning church
And every prayer I say just comes back hurt

[Chorus - explosive, soulful hook, heavy drums, distorted bass, soaring vocal runs]
I miss you like a scar misses skin
Like a sinner misses heaven, let me in
You were my boyfriend, my blood, my home
Now I’m out here haunted, all alone
I miss you like the sea misses rain
Like a wild heart misses pain
I’m still alive, but I’m barely here
Loving you and losing you, year after year

[Verse 2 - darker trap soul groove, raspy vocals, haunting ad-libs, cinematic strings]
Family table got a chair that don’t fit right
Love songs hurt worse in the dead of night
I put your picture by the candle flame
And I swear it flickers when I speak your name
I been angry at God, been sweet to the moon
Been begging the stars to bring you back soon
But the pastor said peace, and my mama said pray
Still the ache in my chest don’t fade away
I’m seductive with the sorrow, I wear it like lace
Pretty on the outside, shattered in the face
And I dance with the pain till my knees go weak
‘Cause the dead don’t answer, but the living still speak

[Bridge - stripped back piano, deep reverb, vulnerable spiritual delivery]
If I reach through the dark, will you reach back?
If I call out your name, will the heavens crack?
Take these tears, take this rage, take this need
Turn my grief into grace, let me breathe

[Final Chorus - fuller drums, choir swell, gospel-tinged ad-libs, emotional peak]
I miss you like a scar misses skin
Like a sinner misses heaven, let me in
You were my boyfriend, my blood, my home
Now I’m out here haunted, all alone
I miss you like the sea misses rain
Like a wild heart misses pain
I’m still alive, but I’m barely here
Loving you and losing you, year after year

[Outro - fading pads, distant vocal ad-libs, echoing prayerful tone]
Mm, I’m still here
With your name in my chest like a holy tear
I lost my love, I lost my kin
But I carry you… I carry you within