My Whole Life ( Shayne)
by Torreishere
Lyrics
(chorus)
My whole life I just wanted to feel
like the other kids smilin’, laughin’, huggin’ (yeah)
I just wanted to feel loved, to never feel alone
been chasin’ it my whole life (my whole life)
gave what love I had to the ones who ain't deserve it
hell they never even earned it (nah)
(verse 1)
Still wake up some nights drenched in sweat from the past (damn)
heart beatin’ too fast, hopin’ pain don’t last (please)
I been tryin’ to heal but them scars run deep
fake smiles in the daytime, nightmares when I sleep (woah)
People say “you changed” yeah I had to survive
when your own blood hurt you, it kill somethin’ inside (facts)
I used to think love meant screamin’ and pain
so when somebody stayed loyal it felt strange to my brain (why?)
I done pushed good women away tryna protect myself
whole time I needed help, couldn’t accept myself
lookin’ in the mirror like “who the fuck is you?” (who?)
little broken child still bleedin’ in my shoes
And I know I ain't innocent, I done caused hurt too
said things I regret when my world turned blue
but I’m finally learnin’ not everybody leaves
even when my anxiety tellin’ me they gon’ leave (no)
(chorus)
My whole life I just wanted to feel
like the other kids smilin’, laughin’, huggin’ (yeah)
I just wanted to feel loved, to never feel alone
been chasin’ it my whole life (my whole life)
gave what love I had to the ones who ain't deserve it
hell they never even earned it (nah)
(verse 2)
Sittin’ in the car smokin’, thinkin’ ‘bout my babies (puff puff)
how the hell the years move so damn crazy? (damn)
One minute they little, next minute they grown
and I missed too much time bein’ trapped in my own zone
County walls, cold calls, tears through the phone
sayin’ “Daddy when you comin’ home?” broke me to the bone (shit)
I was lost in addiction, mixin’ pills with the liquor
every bad decision made the darkness come quicker
Had some partners OD, rest in peace to the fallen (rest up)
now I hate when my phone ring late night and they callin’
Seen too many caskets, too many mamas cry
too many people say “I love you” then goodbye
So now I hold tighter to the ones still here
even though my trust gone and my vision unclear
Tryna build a real life, not just survive another day
cause I’m tired of feelin’ broken every step of the way
(chorus)
My whole life I just wanted to feel
like the other kids smilin’, laughin’, huggin’ (yeah)
I just wanted to feel loved, to never feel alone
been chasin’ it my whole life (my whole life)
gave what love I had to the ones who ain't deserve it
hell they never even earned it (nah)
(verse 3)
And she still hold me close when I’m hard to love (why?)
when I shut down quiet and start thinkin’ too much
She tell me “baby breathe, you ain’t fightin’ alone”
and for once in my life maybe I found a home (maybe)
I ain’t used to peace, I be waitin’ for war
used to people walkin’ out and slammin’ the door
But she kiss me on the forehead say “I got you” (mmm)
and I swear every little piece of me want to trust you
We laughin’ in the kitchen dancin’ slow at night
heal each other wounds tryna make things right
I told her all my secrets, every bruise and scar
she said “you deserve love exactly how you are”
Man that shit hit deep, almost made me cry (damn)
cause nobody ever looked me in my eyes
and saw the hurt underneath all the anger and smoke
all the times I laughed when I really felt broke
(chorus)
My whole life I just wanted to feel
like the other kids smilin’, laughin’, huggin’ (yeah)
I just wanted to feel loved, to never feel alone
been chasin’ it my whole life (my whole life)
gave what love I had to the ones who ain't deserve it
hell they never even earned it (nah)
(verse 4)
I still got bad days, I still battle my head (facts)
still hear old voices wishin’ I was dead
But I’m finally seein’ maybe I got a chance
to become somethin’ better instead of pain’s romance
I want my kids proud when they say my name
not just stories ‘bout the times that I went insane
Tryna break them cycles that was handed to me
cause hurt people hurt people, now I finally see
And if my mama asked again “are you proud?” (are you?)
I’d probably tear up lookin’ down at the ground
say “I’m tryin’ real hard, I ain’t all the way there
but I finally got people that actually care”
Ain’t no fairytale ending, life still rough (nah)
but for the first time ever maybe I’m enough
And if tomorrow comes, I’ma fight through the rain
cause that little broken kid still livin’ in my veins (yeah)
But he smilin’ more now… and that gotta mean somethin’