The Girl I used to date

Lyrics

(Intro)
(Sound of a wind chill blowing, teeth chattering)
Yeah.
You see her walking?
Don’t look too long, man.
You’ll get frostbite just from the eye contact.
Check it.
​(Verse 1)
She’s a certified ten, yeah, a visual dream,
Raven hair flowing like a silk-black stream.
Bright green eyes, yeah they glow in the dark,
But there’s zero percent soul behind that spark.
She’s got the long legs, wearing skirts real short,
Treating every local heartbreak like a competitive sport.
Slim hips, firm thighs, and the high-heel stride,
But she’s hollow like a mannequin—there’s nothing inside!
She said, "Trust me, baby, my love is the truth,"
Then she spent the weekend with a guy named Booth.
And Mike. And Ike. Yeah, she’s collecting the set,
She’s the only girl I know who’s a walking red flag threat.
​(Chorus)
She’s got a rock of ice where her heart should be,
I’m telling you, homie, she was no good for me!
She’ll chew you up, spit you out like a fool,
She’s the Heartbreak Queen and she’s icy cold-cruel.
The girl I used to date? A big bag of hate.
Don't show up early, don't show up late,
Just turn around and run before she locks the gate!
​(Verse 2)
She struts down the street, watch the pavement freeze,
Bringing grown men down to their shivering knees.
She’s looking for the next poor piece of meat,
To seasoned with lies and then "Bon Appétit!"
She’s a master of the game, yeah, a soul-sucking pro,
Pulling hearts out for fun just to watch 'em all go.
Treating your emotions like a roulette gun,
Click-click-boom—now the damage is done.
You think you’re the one? You think you’re the king?
She’s already at the pawn shop selling your ring.
She’s cold, she’s mean, she’s a digital ghost,
She’ll leave you with nothing but a "Single" Facebook post.
​(Bridge)
(Beat drops out, just a cold, metallic snapping)
She cleared out the kitchen.
She cleared out the house.
She even took the cheese away from the mouse.
Your dignity? Gone.
Your bank account? Zero.
She’s the super-villain looking for a stupid-ass hero.
​(Verse 3)
If you get with her, man, you’re gonna want to die,
She don't even blink when she tells you a lie.
She’s the biggest evil that the world’s ever seen,
A human-shaped ice-cube, a heartbreak machine.
She’ll take your car keys, she’ll take your pride,
Then ask for a lift so she can take you for a ride.
It’s a cautionary tale, it’s a story of fate,
About the venomous girl that I used to date!
​(Outro)
(Sound of a bank vault locking)
Yeah.
I’m broke now.
I’m sleeping on a lawn chair.
But hey, at least I’m not dating her!
Put a jacket on, kid. It’s cold out here.
(Fade out with a shivering sound)