Dead Or Alive. ( Shayne)

Lyrics

(Chorus 1)

My daughters ain’t deserve that pain (nah)
growin’ up wonderin’ if I’d change (if I’d change)
locked away while they called my name (damn)
and I was somewhere drownin’ in shame (facts)
Angel, Alexis, I hear y’all cries (I hear it)
didn’t know if your daddy was dead or alive
and that thought still cut me deep inside (deep)
cause I was absent through your whole damn life

(Verse 1)

Cold county walls and a steel bunk bed (cold nights)
while my babies tucked in askin’ where daddy went (where he at?)
Phone calls short, collect line static
hear pain in they voice and it turned me tragic
I missed birthdays, dances, first days of school (damn)
other fathers there doin’ what fathers supposed to do
Meanwhile I was chained to addiction and pride
tellin’ myself lies while my family cried
Angel probably thought I forgot her smile (nah)
Alexis probably waited by the door awhile
hopin’ daddy pull up one afternoon
but another whole year disappeared too soon
And that guilt heavy, man it crush my chest
cause little girls need protection and love the best
Instead they got silence, broken promises and tears
while I wasted all them precious years

(Chorus 2)

I know them nights hurt y’all souls (hurt y’all)
wonderin’ why your daddy never came home
I was lost in darkness fightin’ myself (fightin’)
whole time y’all needed somebody else
Angel, Alexis, if y’all hear this song (hear this)
know your daddy know he did y’all wrong
and if I could rewind every page I lived
I’d trade it all just to raise my kids

(Verse 2)

I remember jail calls hearin’ y’all voices shake (hello?)
made me realize all the damage I made
“Daddy when you comin’ home?” cut deep inside
cause truth was I ain’t even know if I’d survive
Overdoses, crashes, nights too faded (faded)
anger and pills had my whole mind jaded
I was runnin’ from pain since I was a kid
didn’t realize I became what hurt me then
Now I sit alone late nights and think (thinkin’)
how many tears fell into y’all sink
how many birthdays y’all blew candles out
while wonderin’ what your daddy about
And that ain’t right, nah y’all deserved better (facts)
somebody stable, somebody forever
instead of letters, excuses and lies
while y’all prayed if I was dead or alive

(Chorus 3)

Every memory hit like rain (rainfall)
pictures of y’all make me break (break down)
cause time don’t stop and kids grow fast (too fast)
and I can’t get back what became the past
But I still hope y’all know my heart (my heart)
even when I fell apart in the dark
I always loved y’all more than life (more than life)
even if I wasn’t there to do it right

(Verse 3)

Angel got older, Alexis too (time flew)
and I missed watchin’ both of y’all bloom
missed them laughs, missed them tears
missed damn near all them years
I hate myself for the pain I caused
for every empty promise that I broke apart
cause daughters need they father in they life
not ghost stories and blurry nights
Sometimes I wonder if y’all hate my name (maybe)
if hearing “dad” just bring pain
And honestly, I wouldn’t blame y’all none
cause I disappeared more than I showed love
But if y’all ever hear this late one night
just know your daddy still tryna fight
still tryna heal and become a man
worthy enough to hold y’all hands

(Chorus 4)

I can’t erase what I put y’all through (nah)
but every scar still point me to you
Angel, Alexis, y’all my whole world (my babies)
even when I failed as your father, girls
And maybe one day we can heal them wounds (heal ‘em)
sit together in the same room
And if y’all ask me “why’d you disappear?”
I’d cry and say “I was lost for years...”

(Verse 4)

I still got demons I battle daily (daily)
still wake up broken thinkin’ maybe
I ruined every chance to make this right
cause pain leave scars that last for life
But I ain’t givin’ up on bein’ there now (never)
even if I gotta prove it somehow
I wanna learn who y’all became today
hear every dream and every word y’all say
I wanna show up when life gets rough
teach y’all you stronger than all this stuff
teach y’all love ain’t supposed to hurt
and your worth way bigger than this earth
Cause y’all the reason I still breathe today (facts)
the reason I ain’t fully fade away
And even if forgiveness take some time
I’ll spend forever tryna make it right (yeah)