aint no Captain.

Lyrics

​(Intro)
Yeah... look.
I see the distress signal in the sky.
I see the tears, the broken nails, the past-due rent notices.
But you got the wrong department, baby.
(Laughs)
Yeah, way wrong.
Listen.
​(Verse 1)
You looking up at the sky, hoping for a cape
Wanting me to swoop in and fix your financial state
You got a eviction notice, phone bill overdue
And you looking at my pockets like, "What we gonna do?"
We? Hold on, sis, let’s correct the grammar
I’m not Thor, I ain't hitting your problems with a hammer
You want a savior? Go visit a church
Because my bank account is staying on a high-altitude perch
You out here looking for a Clark Kent clone
But every time you call, I’m putting "Do Not Disturb" on my phone
You told your friends, "He gonna save me, he’s a gentleman"
Baby, I’m the Grinch, I’m the villain, I’m the end of them
I am not no Captain Save-A-Hoe, let’s get it straight
I won't buy you a Honda Civic, I won't even pay for the date
You want a man to clean your slate and wipe away your tears?
I’d rather drink a cold beer and laugh at your career.
​(Chorus)
I will not be your Superman, flying through the sky
I’m not checking for your feelings, I’m not asking why
No, I’d rather be the Lieutenant, standing on the coast
Mind my own business, eat my breakfast, and just simply roast—
Yeah, roast a botch! Clean her clock with the jokes
While you crying ’bout your life to all your Facebook folks
No cape on my back, no "S" on my chest
I’m just the Lieutenant, and I’m locally blessed!
​(Verse 2)
Let’s talk about the outfit, let’s talk about the hair
You walking ’round looking like a midday nightmare
You want a man to sweep you right off of your feet?
But your tracking number says your bundles came from the street
They synthetic! I can hear them melting in the sun
You asking for a thousand dollars? Man, that’s real fun
I wouldn't give you a dollar for a vending machine soda
Your credit score looks like the birth year of Yoda
Three digits, starting with a two, maybe a three?
And you think you gonna lease a Mercedes through me?
"Oh, Superman, come save me, my tire went flat!"
Call AAA, sis, I’m not doing all that
Matter of fact, look at your rims, they scraped to the bone
You drive by sound, hitting curbs all the way home
I’m not your hero, I don't wear the red tights
I’m the guy pointing and laughing under the streetlights.
​(Chorus)
Because I will not be your Superman, flying through the sky
I’m not checking for your feelings, I’m not asking why
No, I’d rather be the Lieutenant, standing on the coast
Mind my own business, eat my breakfast, and just simply roast—
Yeah, roast a botch! Clean her clock with the jokes
While you crying ’bout your life to all your Facebook folks
No cape on my back, no "S" on my chest
I’m just the Lieutenant, and I’m locally blessed!
​(Bridge)
(Sarcastic, operatic superhero music plays)
Oh, look! It’s a bird! It’s a plane!
No... it’s just a guy who refuses to pay for your Uber XL!
(Beat kicks back in hard)
Yeah! Lieutenant on deck!
At ease, botch!
Put down the CashApp request, it’s embarrassing.
​(Verse 3)
You got 5 kids by 4 different dudes named Trey
And you want me to come through and make it all okay?
You want a family man? Go watch The Cosby Show
’Cause I’m a bachelor, baby, and my answer is "No"
You sent a paragraph text, it was long as a book
About how your ex-boyfriend is a clown and a crook
I read the first line, then I swiped it away
I’m not the therapist, I don't get hourly pay
Look at your eyelashes, one is trying to escape
It’s hanging on for dear life, losing its shape
You crying over spilled milk, crying over spilled wine
But those eyelashes looking like a dying porcupine
I’m the Lieutenant, I notice the details, you see
I extract the comedy out of your misery
You wanted a knight in shining armor to arrive
But I’m in the lawn chair, watching you struggle to parallel park at five.
​(Verse 4)
You out at the club, ordering the whole top shelf
Then looking at the waiter like, "He’ll pay for it himself"
Who? Me? I ordered a water with a lime
I’m not paying for your Casamigos, not this time
You got twenty BFFs but nobody got cash?
Your whole squad together couldn't buy a bag of trash
You want a savior to rescue you from the VIP section?
I’m directing you straight to the emergency exit direction
Go home! Put on some sweatpants, boil some rice
Stop trying to live a life above your paycheck price
I’m not the Savior of the City, I’m the critic of the town
Every time you put on a circus, I’m labeling the clown
You thought this song was a love letter, thought it was sweet?
I’m roasting you from your bad lace front down to your feet.
​(Chorus)
I will not be your Superman, flying through the sky
I’m not checking for your feelings, I’m not asking why
No, I’d rather be the Lieutenant, standing on the coast
Mind my own business, eat my breakfast, and just simply roast—
Yeah, roast a botch! Clean her clock with the jokes
While you crying ’bout your life to all your Facebook folks.