silly billy

Lyrics

(Verse 1)
Check the rearview, adjust the cheap cologne,
It’s Billy on the boulevard, standing all alone.
He’s got the "Employee of the Month" grin pinned to his face,
The only working man in this godforsaken place.
He’s got a menu of emotions, pick a flavor, pay the toll,
He’s offering a group-discount on his weary, weathered soul.
Watch him pivot, watch him pose, like a discount mannequin,
Selling "Meaningful Connections" in a bucket made of tin.
He’s the Swiss Army Knife of a low-rent fantasy,
But the blade is getting dull and the corkscrew’s lost its key.
​(Chorus)
Oh, Billy’s on the clock, keep the meter running fast,
He’s got a shelf-life like a carton, and he’s fading to the last.
He’s your temporary bestie, your professional "Yes-Man,"
Selling premium attention in a rusted-out sedan.
Treat him like a rental, don't forget to fill the tank,
He’s got a smile for the masses and a vacuum in the bank.
​(Verse 2)
"Customizable Billy!" Read the flyer on the pole,
He’ll be your long-lost cousin or a ghost without a soul.
He’s got a wig for every ego and a script for every whim,
Though the chances of a refund are looking pretty slim.
You want a sympathetic ear? That’s an extra twenty, boss.
You want a guy to blame for all your recent financial loss?
He’s a specialist in nodding while he’s thinking of his lunch,
Taking every verbal beating, rolling with the punch.
He’s the king of the "Deep Talk" that only lasts a minute,
Selling you a hollow box with nothing living in it.
​(Verse 3)
He’s a five-star rated service in a one-star neighborhood,
Doing everything he shouldn't just to do the things he should.
Look at Billy go! He’s a "Content Creator" now,
Taking orders for a feeling with a sweaty, furrowed brow.
He’s a miracle of marketing, a masterpiece of spin,
Masking all the desperation underneath the plastic skin.
He’ll tell you that you’re brilliant, he’ll tell you that you’re thin,
As long as there’s a credit card to slide the secret in.
He’s a human vending machine, stuck on "Out of Order" lights,
But still shaking for a dollar through the lonely, neon nights.
​(Bridge)
Is it Billy? Is it William? Is it "Sir" or is it "Hey"?
Depends on how much baggage you are throwing in his way.
He’s a chameleon in khakis, a wizard in a vest,
Failing every single moral and emotional litmus test.
​(Verse 4)
The sun is coming up, and Billy’s looking like a prune,
Whistling a "Please Go Home Now" kind of tragic, lonely tune.
The charisma’s out of batteries, the charm is running dry,
He’s got a "Void Where Prohibited" look within his eye.
He’s counting out the pennies like they’re nuggets of pure gold,
A legendary story that has been a bit over-told.
But wait! There’s a headlight! A customer is near!
Billy wipes the coffee off and conquers every fear.
He’s back upon the curb with a flourish and a bow,
The Procrastinator’s Prophet—well, he’s ready for you now.
​(Outro)
No refunds.
No exchanges.
Billy is a final sale.
Please rate your experience from one to "The Check is in the Mail."
He’s your favorite utility.
He’s your favorite mistake.
Billy’s open for business—how much can you take?
(Next!)