try me!!

Lyrics

​Act I: The Pissed-Off Commute
​Pull up to the fucking intersection, looking so intense,
Got my seatbelt clicked for maximum defense.
Windows rolled down, blasting lo-fi beats,
I'm the baddest motherfucker on these suburban streets.
You glinting at me from your Prius next door,
Think you’re intimidating? You’re a goddamn bore.
I’m a certified threat, a danger to society,
(As long as my doctor manages my fucking anxiety).
​I see you creeping past the white line, trying to get ahead,
But you forgot the golden rule: the traffic light is red.
You’re revving up your engine like a total piece of shit,
While I’m trying to find a station where a decent song is lit.
Don't look at me sideways, I’m an alpha male guy,
I’ll stare a hole right through you, I don't give a fuck, why?
I got a Costco membership and a valid passport,
I’m the kind of menace that you find in small claims court.
​Chorus: The Ultimate Warning
​Don't get caught slippin' at a red light,
I hold the MAC-10 hella tight!
Yeah, you looking like Rainbow Bright,
Better back up before we start a pillow fight!
Don't get caught slippin' at a red light,
I'm a tough guy, yeah, that’s right,
Got my hazards on, keeping it bright,
Safest gangster in the neighborhood tonight.
​Act II: The Anatomy of a Threat
​You flexing that fake chain, but it’s turning your neck green,
I’m the coldest motherfucker this sidewalk has ever seen.
Got my MAC-10 gripped—wait, my bad, it’s a MacBook,
But look at the menacing way that I text-look!
I’m typing out an email that could ruin your career,
I’ll CC your supervisor, fill your ass with fear.
You colorful, vibrant, a walking cartoon,
I’ll stare you down till the fucking light changes at noon.
​You got that Care Bear energy, that Strawberry Shortcake vibe,
I’m the leader of a highly sophisticated tribe
Of suburban warriors who mow their lawns on Saturdays,
We don't tolerate your reckless, bullshit ways.
Why the fuck you dressed like a pack of Skittles broke?
Your whole damn outfit is a legendary joke.
I might give you a look, I might give you a frown,
Then I’ll roll up my window if a single bee flies around.
​You think you're street smart because you use Waze?
I’ve been navigating these fucking roundabouts for days.
I know exactly when the photo radar takes a picture,
I’m a street-legal savage, a law-abiding fixture.
So don't look over here trying to challenge my regime,
I’m living the middle-class, highly regulated dream.
​Chorus: The Ultimate Warning
​Don't get caught slippin' at a red light,
I hold the MAC-10 hella tight!
Yeah, you looking like Rainbow Bright,
Better back up before we start a pillow fight!
Don't get caught slippin' at a red light,
I'm a tough guy, yeah, that’s right,
Got my hazards on, keeping it bright,
Safest gangster in the neighborhood tonight.
​Act III: The Confrontation Escalates (Slightly)
​The countdown on the pedestrian signal is hitting five,
This is the most intense moment that I’ve been alive.
My fucking palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy,
There's a drop of iced macchiato spilled on my Chevy.
You look over again, flashing a neon smile,
Man, your goddamn wardrobe can be seen from a mile.
Are you a human or a walking laser tag arena?
I’m the apex predator of this whole cantina.
​I could challenge you to a drag race, but gas is too high,
And I’m trying to keep my carbon footprint low, guy.
Plus, my check engine light has been on since July,
And honestly, I don't really want to fucking die.
But mentally? Mentally I am destroying your ego.
I’m imagining a scenario where I am the hero,
Where the mayor gives me a key to the city
Because my parallel parking was incredibly witty.
​Look at you, Rainbow Bright, with your multicolored shoes,
You’re the kind of bitch who reads the terms and conditions news.
Wait, that’s me. I read them. Every single word.
I’m the most litigious rapper that you ever fucking heard.
If you scratch my bumper, I will call my insurance so fast,
Your premium will skyrocket straight into the past.
I’ve got a dashcam recording in 4K resolution,
Providing a legal, non-violent resolution.
​Act IV: The Monologue of Suburbia
​Let's talk about your strategy, it’s fundamentally flawed,
You’re trying to look tough but the community is awed
By my pristine hedges and my lack of HOA violations.
I build international relations with neighborhood associations.
I hold the MAC-10—or maybe it's a bottle of cold brew,
It’s artisanal, organic, and it's fucking better than you.
I grip it hella tight so it doesn't leave a stain,
Because detailing this upholstery is an absolute pain.
​The light is still red. Why is this light so fucking long?
I’ve already sung four verses of this ridiculous song.
The tension is building, the drama is real,
I can feel the cold sweat on my steering wheel.
Are we gonna race? Are we gonna stare?