Barry robert

Lyrics

​"Oh look, it’s Barry. The absolute peak of physical conditioning. Truly, a weapon of mass destruction... if the weapon was stuffed with mozzarella sticks."
​(Verse 1)
You’re talking tough on the neighborhood block
With your Velcro sneakers and your ankle socks
Wannabe gangster, threat level zero
A buffet-line gladiator, a dollar-store hero
Got the leather jacket, think you look like Bane
But you gas out walking to the end of the lane
You’re an apex predator of UberEats
A terrifying menace to the bakery sheets!
​(Chorus)
Stay out of dark alleys, Robert!
Stay out of dark alleys, fat boy Barry!
You couldn't catch a cold, let alone catch a vibe
You’re the least intimidating member of the tribe!
Yeah, the shadows are dangerous, the streets are mean
But you’re only a threat to a vending machine!
​(Verse 2)
You said you’re gonna corner me, leave me in a ditch?
Bro, you gotta take a breather just to flick a light switch
You’re wearing brass knuckles? Oh, I’m so scared
Your heart rate’s spiking, better get prepared
You claim the dark alleys are your personal domain
But a flight of three stairs gives you crippling pain
"I run these streets!" Yeah, Barry, sure you do
But only if a food truck is passing through!
​(Bridge)
(Music drops out, just a slow, sarcastic handclap and a heavy, thumping bass drum mimicking a slow heartbeat)
​Oh no... he’s lurking in the fog.
Watch out... he might trip over a dog.
He’s a shadow in the night, a creature so grim
...Wait, never mind, the streetlights just contoured him.
He’s breathing heavy. Is it malice? Is it rage?
No, he’s just reading the caloric intake on the page.
​(Guitar Solo: Intentionally messy, chaotic, and aggressively loud)
​(Chorus)
Stay out of dark alleys, Robert!
Stay out of dark alleys, fat boy Barry!
You couldn't catch a cold, let alone catch a vibe
You’re the least intimidating member of the tribe!
Yeah, the shadows are dangerous, the streets are mean
But you’re only a threat to a vending machine!
​(Verse 3)
(Music shifts: Tempo slows down into a heavy, grinding, aggressive hardcore beat. Low, menacing bass.)
​Oh, so now we’re talking wagons? Now we’re talking setups?
You’re spinning quite a fiction just to get your little sweat up!
Saying I’m a thief, saying I leaked the hidden files
Beneath the floorboards of the Subaru, stretching it for miles?
You got flashing lights behind you and you’re looking for a scapegoat
Trying to pin your sloppy business on the lyrics that I wrote!
"Should’ve slept your punk ass"—yeah, you talk a massive game
While you're drowning in the panic of the flashing blue flame!
​(Chorus)
Stay out of dark alleys, Robert!
Stay out of dark alleys, fat boy Barry!
Blame it on the wagon, blame it on the crew
But the only one who set you up was you!
Yeah, the shadows are dangerous, the streets are mean
And the cops are pulling over your entire machine!
​(Outro)
Keep running your mouth, Barry!
Tell the sirens all about it!
Who's the punk now?!
It’s past your bedtime, Robert!
The local 7-Eleven is closing their hot rack!
What are you gonna do now?!
Aggressive drum roll, sudden hard stop
Go home and eat a salad.