Carrot!

Lyrics

(Verse 1)
Raised by the dwarfs in the deep, dark mine,
A six-foot-six lad with a heart so fine.
He walked into the city with a sword of rusted iron,
To join the Night Watch, a forgotten little coven.
From a simple Lance-Corporal, polishing the brass,
To Captain of the Watch, raising up the working class!
Through Guards! Guards! and the dragon’s fiery breath,
He marched with a smile, looking straight at death.
​(Chorus)
Oh, Captain Carrot, the giant of a man!
He’ll shake you by the hand and he’ll do the best he can!
So polite, so calm, with a cheerful "Halt, hello!"
How deep his waters run, you will never, ever know.
Is he simple? Is he sharp? Is he playing a game?
But the city’s safe and sound when they call his name!
​(Verse 2)
In Men at Arms, the gonne brought the chaos to the street,
And Feet of Clay saw golems marching to a heavy beat.
But Carrot keeps his cool when the world is going mad,
The most honest copper that the city’s ever had.
He knows every face, every alley, every name,
Treats the thieves and the beggars and the patrician the same.
They think he’s just a simpleton, a jovial, bright spark,
But he’s reading every shadow in the Ankh-Morpork dark.
​(Chorus)
Oh, Captain Carrot, the giant of a man!
He’ll shake you by the hand and he’ll do the best he can!
So polite, so calm, with a cheerful "Halt, hello!"
How deep his waters run, you will never, ever know.
Is he simple? Is he sharp? Is he playing a game?
But the city’s safe and sound when they call his name!
​(Bridge)
Now, there’s a birthmark of a crown, and a sword that doesn't gleam,
He’s the rightful, trueborn King of the ultimate elite.
The throne is sitting empty, the crown is on the shelf,
But Carrot wants the Watch, he doesn't want the crown himself!
He’d rather punch a clock and go walking on the beat,
Than rule a broken city from a golden, lonely seat.
​(Verse 3)
Then walked in Angua, with her coat of golden hair,
A werewolf in the Watch, giving citizens a scare.
But Carrot didn't blink, didn't hesitate or sigh,
He loves her for exactly who she is beneath the sky.
When the full moon rises and the silver teeth appear,
He’s just holding her hand, without a single shred of fear.
Through the snows of Überwald in The Fifth Elephant they ran,
Bound by a devotion that defies the laws of man.
​(Verse 4)
They sailed across the ocean when Jingo raised the stakes,
They fought down in the tunnels for Thud! and Koom Valley's sakes.
With Vimes and Nobby Nobbs, and Fred Colon by their side,
The Watch became a army with an old, discarded pride.
And through every single riot, every international spat,
Carrot stands there smiling, just straightening his hat.
​(Outro)
So here’s to Captain Carrot, the King who never was!
Who does the right thing daily, just because he thinks he must!
With a werewolf by his side and a whistle in his breath,
The finest, strangest copper on the whole damn Discworld earth!
(Shouted)
One, two, three, four!
Mind how you go!