A Very Overrated Writer

Lyrics

​(Verse 1)
I spent my youth in a plastic chair, gasping for some air
While Mrs. Higgins droned about a King without his hair.
I’m struggling with modern English—I can barely send a text,
But I’m forced to read some "thee" and "thou" and wonder what is next?
The boredom got so heavy that I nearly cracked my skull,
Against a desk of oak because this Billy guy is dull.
He’s got three parts of Henry VI, and honestly, that’s plenty,
By the time we hit the third one, I felt like I was eighty-seven.
​(Chorus)
He’s a very overrated writer, a poet with no "chill,"
I’d rather watch a wall get painted than read another Bill.
He’s wordy, he’s confusing, and his plots are mostly theft,
If you took away the metaphors, there’d be nothing really left.
​(Verse 2)
He’s got "Comedies" where no one laughs, like Comedy of Errors,
Just identical twins and slapstick—it’s a literary terror.
The Taming of the Shrew? Well, that’s a HR nightmare now,
And Love’s Labour’s Lost? I lost my patience, that’s for sure, I vow.
But then you hit the "Tragedies" and that’s where things get weird,
Because the "funny" ones are boring, but the "sad" ones should be feared.
Titus Andronicus is basically a slasher-flick for teens,
With mutilation, meat pies, and some really messy scenes.
​(Verse 3)
Then there’s Romeo and Juliet, the "romance" of the age,
Two idiots who met on Monday, dead by Friday’s stage.
They killed off half their families for a crush that lasted days,
If that’s the height of passion, I’ll stick to my TV plays.
He’s got Othello getting jealous 'cause a hanky went astray,
And Hamlet talking to a skull—just get a job, okay?
King Lear is just a grumpy dad who can’t divide a map,
And Macbeth sees a floating knife? Man, take a freaking nap.
​(Verse 4)
I’ll give him this: The Tempest, yeah, Prospero was the man,
The master of his craft with a magical game plan.
But even then, he tossed his book and broke his staff in two,
Like Shakespeare knew he’d bored us and was finally, finally through.
He wrote one hundred fifty-four sonnets about "Time,"
I think he just liked hearing how his own name used to rhyme.
From Cymbeline to Pericles, the list goes on and on,
I’ve been waiting for the "Ending" since the early English dawn.
​(Bridge - The Flip)
Wait... okay, hold on. Let’s look at the facts.
He’s got a massive theater and some pretty famous acts.
He’s got a whole museum and a global fanbase, too,
He’s probably gonna be remembered longer than me or you.
The "Literary Might" all think he’s basically a god,
And if I say he isn't, they all think I’m being odd.
​(Verse 5 - The Reversal)
I gotta admit, he might have written one or two big hits,
The world might be a darker place without his frantic wits.
He brought culture to the masses, let civil society begin,
And framed the way we speak today—I guess I’ll let him win.
His name is world-renowned, and his legacy is tight...
(Pause, returning to the original tone)
But I still can't make it lighter.
As far as I’m concerned... he’s still an overrated writer.
​(Outro)
Yeah, he’s still overrated.
I don't care if it's "art."
What the hell is a "Puck" anyway?
(Fade out with a heavy sigh and the sound of a textbook closing)