The Witches of Lancre

Lyrics

(Verse 1)
In the shadow of the Ramtops, where the light gets spread thin
Where the goats are all nervous and the tea’s mostly gin
Three shadows are gathered round a pot made of iron
Ignoring the laws that the wizards rely on.
There’s Esme in black, looking sharp as a pin
With a gaze that could peel back a mountain’s own skin
She’s scowling at Magrat, who’s covered in lace
And rattling with amulets all over the place.
​(Chorus)
Oh, we’re dancing through Lancre on a flat-bottomed world
Where the truths are all twisted and the spells are unfurled
With a cackle, a bicker, and a "Don’t you dare look!"
We’re rewriting the ending of every old book.
From Genua’s swamps to the castle’s high wall
The Witches are coming to settle it all.
​(Verse 2)
"It’s impossible!" Esme will bark at the sky
"You can’t headology a man just by catching his eye!"
Then she’ll sit in her chair and she’ll hold back her breath
And out-stare the Reaper, the cold face of Death.
She says she won’t do it, it’s "not right" or "fair"
Then she’ll save the whole kingdom with a sniff and a glare.
While Nanny Ogg’s singing of a hedgehog’s plight
And drinking the pub dry into the night.
​(Bridge)
(Music gets heavier, darker)
Agnes is singing, a voice like a choir
But Perdita’s whispering, "Set it on fire."
One’s eating a biscuit, the other wants blood
While Magrat is planting some herbs in the mud.
"You’re doing it wrong!" cries the Maiden to Crone
"I’ve got my own methods!" Nanny says with a groan.
They argue on broomsticks, they fight in the rain
Then they go defeat vampires just to prove they’ve a brain.
​(Verse 3)
They’ve been to the theater, they’ve been to the ball
They’ve fought off the Elves in the midwinter fall.
"You can't cross the desert!" Granny snapped with a frown
Then she walked across oceans to tear a tale down.
"I’m not being helpful!" she yells at the crowd
While weaving a miracle, silent and proud.
Nanny’s checking the pockets of kings she just met
And Magrat is wondering if she’s a Queen yet.
​(Guitar Solo - Moody and Melodic)
​(Outro)
(Slow, rhythmic chanting)
Bicker and argue.
Cackle and stir.
The impossible happens
Because of her.
The hat has its points, the boots have their steel
On the back of the turtle, they’re the only thing real.
(Fade out with the sound of a cackling laugh and a cat’s meow)