An Echo I Couldn't Let Go
Lyrics
(Intro:Lofi cyclic acoustic piano motif/Continuous 7.83Hz Schumann pulse/Sweeping strings)
I took a shadowy walk
through the halls
where I once stood.
Reclaiming the lost memories
of my nightmare childhood.
An unforgiving family forced
me into a synthetic shell
I used to light up every room
Then I wore a mask
to hide my tell.
A victim of violence
Unjust injustice
suppressed into silence.
Told to stay in my room
NOT TO OPEN THE DOOR,
Unable to scream loud enough
To penetrate the upper floor
My sister lost her life to
A monster like epstein
A three year old angel became
A pedophiles day dream.
Where still-frame worlds
and alternate realities
clouded my pain by
removed dark shadow entities.
Filled with ancient secrets
and newfound curiosities.
When I felt scared or alone,
my star family would bring me home
Providing a sense of safety through
a multi-dimensional download
A cosmic hug embraced me
Because my mama was only cold.
They taught me how to make
this shadow prison grid unfold
(Verse 1:Intimate close-mic female vocals/Soft acoustic guitar/Shimmering harp plucks)
While other girls played
with dolls in frilly laces,
or stuff their tiny bras,
and cake makeup on their
Fake-Ass Faces
She'd rather write pretty poems
or just dig around in the dirt
even joined the wrestling team
to avoid anymore damn hurt.
She looked for treasures
buried stones in the sand
time loss in a lost land
Holding all the pretty rocks
in her small shaky hands.
When the trauma hit too hard
she escaped to her safest place,
an encompassing
still-frame vision appeared
as a saving grace
An astral traveling child,
somatic symptoms
and fever-dreams,
Finding the missing pieces
of this melancholic memory.
A wiped-clean crime scene.
She never felt connected
she learned to play alone
Always getting rejected
never knowing what place
to call her home.
(Verse 2:Live acoustic hip-hop drum beat enters/Deep pulsing bass guitar lines)
She grew up too damn fast
and lost her traveler's map,
Her sense of self faded
into a cosmic
black hole trap.
Mentally scraping on by
with her voice suppressed.
As real-life nightmares
became costant
survival tests.
Sifting through the
waves of bullshit
the lack of
parental interest.
No one seemed to noticed
that i was alive
or feeling soulless
didn't let me speak my truth
as a victim or a witness.
Never got asked
what I went through
They all ignored me
when I spoke of his abuse.
The step-daddy monster
even behind bars
he still paralyzed her
She'd lay awake in the night
Wondering why she survived
or why her mom let her carry
all the guilt when she
was only five.
My light that once sparkled,
Now broken and dismissed
Forced narratives and feelings
make me so fucking pissed.
Hollow love
and shallow phrases
leaving me lost
in cold, dark mazes
Without a mother model,
to learn from or grow,
She saw her inner child's
shadow start to show.
In her baby girl's
big blue eyes,
Later stripped away
by cruel designs.
Spite and distortion
turned her wild,
they brainwashed
the mind
of her firstborn
over time.
She married a narc
he'd gaslight,
shame and cheat,
pinning all the blame
on her hearts broken beat.
Seven years later
a new light was seeded,
A perfect little boy
when she most needed.
(Pre-Chorus:Orchestral strings build swelling wall-of-sound tension/Piano intensifies)
The weight was heavy,
An endless hell
She looked in the mirror
at an empty shell,
made a choice in that moment
to walk the fuck away.
Even if death was the price
she had to pay.
She wiped away her
crystalline tears
and prayed.
(Chorus:Explosive wall of distorted guitars/Soaring, powerful belt-register vocal melodies)
I'm a flaming force
to be wreckoned
or fucked with
protecting my son
from all the
impending darkness.
Breaking out of
the barbed-wire cage,
Turning the leaf
on a torn up page.
Awakening myself through
finding the calm in
this bottled up rage.
(Verse 3:Beat drops into a heavy half-time pocket/Soulful saxophone wails interweave)
Endless assaults
games of control
and pinned fault.
Nothing could fix
the void in her soul.
Until her true father's
hug broke the spell,
Lifting her spirit out
from the deepest well.
(Bridge:Drums cut out/Raw symphonic string section drone/ 963Hz Crown Gateway drone)
Brain hemispheres dancing
to balance finding peace,
The generational loop
finds its fucking release.
The girl who hid in
her still-frame dreams,
Now stands as the mama
that her son truly needs.
Even if she's ripped apart
at every damning seam.
A deep warmth where
the winter used to grow,
From her high frequency's
vibrational glow.
(Outro:Massive musical climax/ Blazing pitch-bent electric guitar solo pans 360°)
Opposite of darkness,
opposite of pain.
The cold treatment made
it so hard to love again.
But she found her self,
uncovered the web of lies,
Stopped asking the who,
what, where, when, and whys.
Now repaired by a love
so patient and kind,
Traveling back home
through prismatic light.
Leaving all air cleared
not stuck glitching
in fight or flight