Sandwich

Lyrics

(Verse 1)
The fluorescent lights are humming, a steady rhythmic buzz
Just grinding through the spreadsheets, doing what a worker does.
The clock is crawling slowly, it’s a quarter past eleven,
But in that breakroom fridge, there's a little slice of heaven.
I spent ten long minutes slicing up that sourdough bread,
Premium ham and spicy mustard, waiting to be fed.
I’ve been dreaming ‘bout that crunch since the second I clocked in,
But I walk into the kitchen and see a culinary sin.
(Chorus)
Who the fuck took my sandwich? Who thought that it was free?
My name was on the baggie, plain as anyone can see!
Working for a pittance in this beige and grey abyss,
And some prick stole the only thing that brings a moment's bliss.
A thief in a button-down, a thief in a silk tie,
I hope the mustard burns the throat of that lunch-snatching guy!
(Verse 2)
Was it Dave from Accounting with his smug, self-righteous grin?
Or someone in HR, hiding secrets deep within?
The wrapper’s in the trash can, like a carcass in the street,
While I’m standing here with nothing but a bitter, cold defeat.
I’m staring at the mayo smear left oily on the shelf,
The culprit better pray to god and look at their own self.
I’m about to lose my patience, I’m about to flip a desk,
This corporate etiquette is a godforsaken mess.
(Bridge)
The yogurt was right there, or the string cheese in the back,
But you chose my Italian sub for your pathetic snack?
My blood pressure is rising, I’m seeing flashes of bright red,
There’s a scorched-earth office email forming in my head.
I hope you choke on every bite, I hope it tastes like guilt,
Watch this fragile office culture start to slowly wilt.
(Verse 3)
Maybe I’ll go to the boss, or maybe I’ll just wait,
And lace tomorrow’s turkey breast with industrial-strength bait.
You want a free lunch, buddy? Well, the next one’s on the house,
I’ll catch you in the breakroom, you thieving little mouse.
You think because we’re "family" that my provolone is yours?
I’m tired of the meetings and the PowerPoint chores,
But stealing a man's protein? That’s a bridge too far to cross,
I’m done with being "professional," I’m feeling like the boss.
(Guitar Solo / Aggressive Stapler Noises)
(Chorus)
Who took my sandwich? Who thought that it was free?
My name was on the baggie, plain as anyone can see!
Working for a pittance in this beige and grey abyss,
And some jerk stole the only thing that brings a moment's bliss.
(Outro)
Empty stomach, heavy heart, and a middle-management rage,
Just another Tuesday in this cubicle-shaped cage.
Enjoy the meal, you coward.
I hope you get heartburn.
Forget this job.
I’m going to Five Guys.