Answer to My Name
Lyrics
Intro
I used to count the days by what I moved and what I made
Thought I had a future in the deals I thought I played
I couldn't see the bill was coming due behind the grin
I called it getting somewhere; I was sinking further in
Verse 1
I was running round the blocks with a pocket full of lies
Selling crystal meth, convinced I had my name up high
Talked like I was winning, like the whole world owed me more
Never saw addiction drawing circles round my door
Every little score became a reason for the next
Every promise to myself got buried under debt
I was good at looking busy, good at acting like a king
But I couldn't face the quiet or the ache beneath the thing
People saw the hustle; I saw proof that I was strong
Truth was I was feeding what was taking me along
One more night, one more excuse, one more line to cross
I kept calling it a choice while I was counting up the loss
Chorus
I thought I was rising, I was falling out of sight
Chasing down a numbness that could never make it right
I lost my home, my name, the ground beneath my feet
Then I chose a different road when I was too tired to flee
I am more than what I did, more than where I have been
One honest breath, one open door, and I begin again
Verse 2
Then the walls came down around me; I had nowhere left to go
Homeless with the cold air and a hunger I couldn't show
I chased it just to mute the world, to bury every scar
To turn the volume down on who I'd become so far
Pain sat in my chest; shame followed close behind
I couldn't make a home inside the wreckage of my mind
Sleep broke into fragments, fear got tangled up with sound
I slipped into psychosis; couldn't trust the world around
I wanted life to end; I was sick of every day
Too worn out to keep pretending I could muscle through the gray
And still, somewhere under all the damage and the dread
A small voice said, “Stay here. There is help ahead.”
Chorus
I thought I was rising, I was falling out of sight
Chasing down a numbness that could never make it right
I lost my home, my name, the ground beneath my feet
Then I chose a different road when I was too tired to flee
I am more than what I did, more than where I have been
One honest breath, one open door, and I begin again
Verse 3
I didn't turn to fearless; I just finally told the truth
Said I couldn't do this alone, and let somebody through
Recovery was mornings, taking help and staying near
Learning how to name the hurt instead of disappear
One day became another; every promise had a cost
I faced the people I had hurt, the years that I had lost
No quick fix, no clean slate, just a choice I had to make
To keep showing up for life each time my hands would shake
I found a room, a steady bed, a number I could call
Found that asking for a hand is not surrendering at all
The past is still a chapter, but it doesn't write the end
I can carry what I've done and still become someone again
Bridge
If you're out there in the cold, thinking no one sees your face
If the shame says you're beyond the reach of mercy or of grace
Stay until the morning; let one person hear you say
“I can't keep living like this. Help me find another way.”
Final Chorus
I thought I was rising, I was falling out of sight
Chasing down a numbness that could never make it right
I lost my home, my name, but I found a way to stand
One honest breath, one open door, one offered hand
I am more than what I did, more than where I have been
I choose this life, I choose the truth, I choose to begin again
I choose this life, I choose the truth, I choose to begin again
Outro
Not the deals, not the damage, not the worst thing I became
I am here, I am healing, and I answer to my name