Too Aware

Lyrics

“[Intro – soft/unhinged talk]

Nobody got welcomed to the shit show— it's population happens to consist of us all.
The place where everything’s made up.. to keep us down & designed to make us fall.
Then the Laws from out’someone's ‘make believe’ from once upon a long time ago, are the invisible restraints…
Tethered and tied, we hope for better days, though We’re still made to walk this tight rope; mine’s through my veins…

Verse 1
It was Third grade when I quit the gifted program, I guess I hated being that bored.
Right in time to learn of the almighty currency; “what even is the point of it for?”
That I actually thought, and I couldn't help but question, “what's at the very top of this invisible game?”
Among so many things I’d be taught, much like how everyone is starving just to play it the same.
I was only a child then, so maybe I never dared ask what didn't make sense out loud.
Something like, “If the king of us all also prints the money, why not enough for everyone, everywhere, all around? “
Every head probably nodded like We’re supposed to, because everybody thought it all made sense.
Yet I was filling with rebelling questions, at the age of nine, already so familiar with stress.

Pre-Chorus
They’ll say shit like “when you grow up, you’ll understand it, someday”
& To do just that… I wish I didn't have to see how the world is this way…

Chorus
I’m too aware to add to the malfunction, always too stubborn to allow myself to quit.
I can almost see the whole machine for what it is, and it is the most sickening shit.
I'll laugh at the breakdown to come, but I'm crying now at this joke.
Knowing I’ll just survive again— no matter how much of me gets broke.
Too aware, I am too fucking aware, too aware of everything going on around me,
Yet there's nothing I can do about it, so it will all just keep on fuckin’ happening.
Awareness was a gift that I'd much prefer the receipt.
Why would an angel baby choose a life full of hatred and deceit?

Verse 2
Now I’m grown, supposedly, riding bicycles at 3 am with my deathcore and phonk music blasting.
The only therapy I can afford is swimming in a dumpster, and that's probably where I lost my wings.
Yet I'm pretty sure I've a brain wired straight into the neurodivergent spectrum, forever undiagnosed.
Oh how I long to strip those wires for all that copper, I keep getting close.
Unfortunately I know I'll always be strong enough to survive the entirety of this plan…
Otherwise I wouldn't be able to take on everything that comes with putting on these foil hats…
Basically crazy just means you said it at all, but especially too soon.
Using Internet Explorer, the world is finally catching on; such an uncatchy tune.

Pre-Chorus
I knew so much was broken, I just didn’t know how massive and insane was the why…
So many bits and pieces of it all, always showing that the bigger picture is also a fucking lie.

Chorus
I’m too aware to add to the malfunction, too aware that sleep is for the weak.
An intimidating Shit Show machine constantly running so disgustingly deep.
‘Kind of embarrassing living life accepting how you're a lower tier of their sick joke.
Even more so that we haven't had enough yet, and I still ain't seeing no revolt!

Bridge
I tried to befriend the chaos, to beseech the distractions to stay.
Yet it always comes back to me, the emptiness that carries such weight.
Even to share thoughts of the optimistic results in the same hard-to-swallow-way…
To do something about it would be to remove half of the jenga pieces in just one play!
At least it's not impossible to still find the humor in peculiar places, no matter how poorly placed it's been.
And that's always been quite the forte of mine, finding that humor, no matter how dark a place it's in.

Breakdown / tone shift
I like my women the way I like my deathcore—
Full of breakdowns, baby, and some unhinged lore.
Much like a silver lining, it seems every thing has impending humor, no matter how gray.
Even when shit is the worst, I'm always hopeful for laughter, meaning there's always some positivity then, if you look at it that way.

Final Chorus
I’m too aware to malfunction, too tired to fight.
Everything within me longing to quit and yet, too stubborn to die.
Like consistently inhabiting right fucking on top of the very fucking fence,
Do I double down the homelessness, or do I cave in and opt for getting the job, striving for the false pretense?
Try not to forget there's supposedly a point to all this life somehow,
I'm just dumb enough to be want to be happy, with no time being harder to do so than now.
Fuck it, maybe there is something that can be done here,
And that's laugh at at the chaos, middle fingers up, all accompanied by fear.
Either way I guess I’ll live through it all…at least.
& There better be fucking deathcore and phonk on that side… when I'm finally deceased.”