numbness

Lyrics

I learned to listen never speak I grew up quiet and the loud house everybody I knew slept in peace but I watch my dreams locked they locked away I learned that pain was something that you ignored learn to smile when things were wrong I felt like I've been here before I felt so old I learned how to disappear instead of being brave I learned that silence is safer than tears and that love could hurt you I didn't break I bend inside so no one will see me fall I learned to live with heavy thoughts like they were normal they asked me why I'm not okay they asked me why you're like this now I grew up damaged and I never went away I always try my best but I always was scared of doing wrong everything and everyday felt like a test that was hung out to cry so I buried every feeling deep and learn to lie when people ask me if I'm fine I learned not to need and never bleed where they can see I grew up learning how to stay quiet if I spoke everything got turned on me everybody walked past my pain like it was something they didn't see I laid a week staring at the wall with adult thoughts asking God what I did so wrong why did I deserve feeling nothing at all I just needed someone but asking for help made me feel so weak that's why I let everything just right inside me I stop asking questions and start thinking things will change I stopped trusting and I memorized the son of my own heartbeat just to prove I was alive he grew up like this and you know that numb feels real I was raised where nothing felt safe I broke slowly I seem tired just know I wasn't like this I grew up this way